Who's Cooking With Lana?
by SeanSnow
Summary: These are a group of episodes about Janet, Jack, and Chrissy at cooking school. Lana has also enrolled.
1. The Enrollers

"Who's Cooking With Lana?"  
Spring 1978  
Episode One  
"The Enrollers"  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Jack: Well, girls, you know how you always wanted to find an easy cooking class. Well, my school is holding a class called "Cooking for Dummies" this semester. It's held every Tuesday and Thursday. Do you want to enroll in it?  
  
Janet: We're not dummies! Maybe you mistook us for one of your dates! Oh Jack! Of course I'll join.  
  
Chrissy: Me too! After all, I am a dummy.  
  
Jack and Janet stare at Chrissy  
  
Chrissy: When it comes to cooking, that is!  
  
Scene- Jack's Classroom  
  
Mr. Travers: As you know, Mr. Stephenheimer is sick. I'll be your teacher the remainder of his absense. Also, I'd like to introduce a new student....... Lana Sheilds!  
  
Jack looks in horror.  
  
Lana: Deaniepooh, where do I sit. I sure am looking forward to cooking.  
  
Jack hides his face so the dean won't pick him.  
  
Travers: Mrs. Sheilds.....  
  
Lana: That's Ms.  
  
Travers: Please sit by Mr. Tripper  
  
Lana walks to him...  
  
Lana (to Jack): I sure am looking forward to cooking....with you!  
  
Scene- Halls  
  
Janet: Chrissy! I found our classroom. It's right here.  
  
Chrissy: I always thought this school was wrong .  
  
Janet: Come here Chrissy!  
  
They enter room  
  
Mrs. van Peters (German Accent): Girls! You are late. Sit your bottems down!  
  
They sit down  
  
Chrissy: I don't like your at all. She acts like a German Third Reich officer!  
  
Mrs. Van Peters: I heard that. Ms. Snow, please go to the assistent principal's office.  
  
Janet: Please, Mrs. Reich, I mean Mrs. van Peters...  
  
Mrs. VPeters: You too, smart aleck!  
  
Scene- Jack's Classrooms  
  
Mr.Travers: Okay, now students, put the cake in the oven!  
  
Jack stands up with cake.   
  
Lana: Want to bake a cake when we leave?  
  
Jack: Lana, please leave me alone!  
  
Lana: Okay, Jackiepoo!  
  
Lana sticks her leg out in front of Jack. Jack trips over and the cake lands on Dean Travers' feet.  
  
Mr. Travers: Trippper! Let's go to my office!  
  
Lana: Can I please go too? I can explain.  
  
Mr. Travers: Okay!  
  
Scene- Hallway  
  
Mr. Travers: Okay, go inside my office.  
  
Janet and Chrissy walk up too him.  
  
Janet: Dean Travers, we were sent to the assistent dean's office, but he told us to go here.  
  
Mr. Travers: Okay. All four of you go in my office!  
  
They all walk in  
  
Scene- Dean Traver's Office  
  
Dean: Now, Ms. Wood and Ms. Snow, you were sent in for causing disruptions in class.  
  
Chrissy: We didn't mean too.  
  
Dean: I'll let you two off with warnings. Hey, aren't you some of the number of girls that live with Jack?  
  
Jack: Only two, remember that!  
  
Dean: Only two, only two......  
  
Dean: Now, Mr. Tripper, please tell me why you dumped the cake on my foot.  
  
Chrissy: I know! He can't get any girls who he can dump Snort, snort!  
  
Dean: Ah-ha.... Anyway, answer me, Mr. Tripper.  
  
Jack: I tripped.  
  
Lana: Yes, my Tripper tripped.  
  
Dean: Okay then, I'll let you off this time.  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Janet: Oh, I can't stand our teacher! She is so mean!  
  
Jack: You'll get used to it. I remember my girlfriend took the course once.  
  
Chrissy: And she turned out okay?  
  
Jack: No...she ended up in a nut house.  
  
They laugh as scene fades.  
THE END 


	2. The Anniversaries Guy

"Who's Cooking With Lana?"  
Episode Two  
Spring '78  
"The Anniversaries Guy"  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Janet: I can't beleive we've lived with Jack for TWO and 1/2 years!  
  
Chrissy: Same for me! Time sure flies when you're living  
  
Janet stares at Chrissy  
  
Chrissy: Living together, I mean.  
  
Jack enters  
  
Janet: Jack, remember to come home by 6:30!  
  
Jack: Okay, Janet, okay!  
  
Jack exits  
  
Janet: He's going to forget!  
  
Scene- Cooking School- Mr. Traver's room  
  
(Mr. Travers has replaced Mr. Stephenheimer. Mr. S died)  
  
Mr.Travers: Now class, we've got a surprise for you! You must all stay for the school's 25th Anniversary Celebration until 9:30 PM!  
  
Groans are heard  
  
Jack: Mr. Travers, I'm cooking for the girls tonight.  
  
Dean: I understand Jack! You want to get to your girls!  
  
Jack: So I can go?  
  
Dean: No!  
  
Jack: Can I at least call?  
  
Dean: Okay!  
  
Jack goes outside and goes to booth  
  
Jack: Pick up!  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Janet(On phone): Oh really! I can't beleive it!  
  
Later.....  
  
Scene- Party  
  
Jack: Oh! Why didn't they pick up?!  
  
Lana enters  
  
Lana: Jackiepoo! Come to your little Honeypoo!  
  
Lana starts chasing Jack. Jack runs outside  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Janet: Ohhhh, that Jack is SO insensitve!  
  
Jack runs in  
  
Janet: Jack Tripper  
  
Chrissy: Dump it!  
  
Janet dumps the cake on Jack's head.  
  
Jack: I can explain!!  
  
Janet: Then TALK!  
  
Jack explains  
  
Janet: Ohhh, we're so sorry! It's all my fault!  
  
They start kissing his hands.  
  
The scene fades...  
  
THE END 


	3. The Van Peters

"Who's Cooking With Lana?"  
Episode Three  
Spring '78  
"The Van Peters"  
  
Scene- Van Peter Classroom  
  
Mrs. Van Peters: Okay, then you put the yoke....  
  
The bell rings, students get up  
  
Mrs. Van Peters: Remember to read "The Art of Cooking"!   
  
People start leaving and chating  
  
Mrs. Van Peters: Chrissy, Janet, can I please talk to you?  
  
Janet: Yes, Mrs. Van Peters?  
  
Mrs. Van Peters: Janet, close the door. And call me Inga.  
  
Janet closes door  
  
Janet: Now what do you want?  
  
Inga starts crying   
  
Chrissy: Janet, how insenseitive are you?  
  
Janet: What did I say?  
  
Chrissy: You know what you said, I know what you said, and Inga knows what you said. Nodding Head  
  
Janet: Nodding Head  
  
The keep nodding heads. Janet screams  
  
Inga: It's not Janet's fault. My husband is leaving me!  
  
Janet: But why?  
  
Inga: I can't cook!  
  
Janet: What? The proof is right there!  
  
Chrissy takes the food and eats some. She then spits it out.  
  
Chrissy: He's right, too!  
  
Inga starts crying. Janet glares at Chrissy  
  
Janet: I have an idea Starts whispering  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Janet, Jack, Chrissy, Inga, and Lana stand while they wait  
  
Doorbell rings  
  
Inga: That's Heinrich!  
  
Chrissy goes to door and opens it.  
  
Henirich: Inga! You are so young! Give a kiss for Heiniepoo!  
  
Inga: Heinrich, Ich right here!  
  
Heinrich: Oh! Well okay!  
  
Jack: We have prepared some Hungarian goulash and German strudel for dessert!  
  
Heinrich: Wunderbar!  
  
Scene- Table  
  
Heinrich is stuffing his face  
  
Inga: Must you stuff your face!?  
  
Heinrich: Well, I'm sorry Mrs. Perfect.  
  
Inga: Hmmmm! I'm not talking to that creature ever again.  
  
Chrissy: Oh noooo!  
  
Later.....  
  
Jack: Okay, let's dance. I'll pair up..... Janet and Chrissy, and then Heinrich and Inga  
  
Inga: But!  
  
Jack: No buts!  
  
Inga and Heinrich reluctently start dancing  
  
Jack: Come on, everyone dance! This is the dance of romance! Grab your partner by the arm, and do the dance like on a farm.  
  
Later......  
  
Inga: Oh tank you kids! Me and Heinrich are back together!  
  
Heinrich: Come on , Inga!  
  
Inga and Heinrich leave  
  
Jack: I feel good that I helped a couple. Now let's help our selves!  
  
Jack chases after the girls while the screen fades.  
  
THE END 


End file.
